THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND Edition 1.5: Karlsweb Advertisement…Take One!

Author: LeatherGirl

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape.

A special thanks goes to Karlsweb for letting me subject them to the UT and the Farscape characters at the Fellip Nectar Stand. (Especially after everyone’s had a few too many to drink!)

*****

[Camera zooms down to the Fellip Nectar Stand and reveals a bar full of aliens of all races. Camera zooms in closer to discover the crew of Farscape seated in a large booth. Pilot is taking up most of the booth.]

Mysterious Voice: “Is the Uncharted Territories’ vastness of space boring you? Are you just not satisfied with those stale tasteless food cubes any more?” [Rygel snorts in the background.] “Does the thought of PeaceKeepers make you cringe? Well then, here’s a website to spice up those long, dull hours, oh excuse me…arns…in space!”

[Large view screen centered in the bar flickers on to reveal the site of Karlsweb. Several aliens crowd around to take a closer look.]

Crais: “Whose voice was that? What are they talking about?” [Glances around nervously.]

John: “Relax. They’re just promoting this awesome, well organized magazine-like website from Earth.”

D’Argo: “Karlsweb? Hmmm, sounds familiar. How do I know that name?” [Rubs chin thoughtfully.]

[As if on cue, the view screen flickers. A new page appears displaying The Four Questions column and a picture of Anthony Simcoe. D’Argo looks surprised.]

Chiana: “You don’t remember that?”

D’Argo: [Frowns at the memory.] “Anthony was always speaking before I could. He never gave me a chance!” [Slams a fist down on table, disturbing everyone’s drinks.]

Aeryn: “What’s that? A Spoiler? I’m not familiar with those.” [Aeryn peers closer at the next flash of advertisement on the screen.]

John: “Spoilers, you know, like the one that says you’re going to die in the end of season 2.”

Aeryn: “What? How did you….?” [Aeryn looks back to John with confusion.]

John: [Smiles.] “Just a spoiler, remember? No one really knows if they’re true or not and they sometimes don’t want to see them but they’re there!”

Zhaan: “Who’s they?” [Leans forward with interest.]

Scorpius: “Scapers. Everyone knows who they are. And I intend to catalog them. Each and every little brain with a memory ch….”

Rygel: “Please, spare us. I personally have an issue with the section titled Under the Latex and Paint. They show my frelling insides for all to see. They treat me like a puppet, showing those detailed drawings of my origins.” [Grabs a chewy green morsel from the plate in front of him and swallows it whole. Chiana watches in disgust.]

Chiana: “Well, Rygel and I did a little snurching, er lurking as some say. We discovered the site and decided to alert everyone by showing it here tonight. I prefer the PK Home Shopping Network. Lots of goodies there and they even show the products, the price, and tell you what’s to like about it!”

Aeryn: “PK Home Shopping Network? Chiana, I may be an ex-peacekeeper, but I’m sure as hezmana that no such thing exists!”

John: “She’s right, Aeryn. There’s even a costuming page. They show a nice diagram of a pulse rifle that you might enjoy!” [John nudges Aeryn and gets a small smile out of her.]

Zhaan: “What are those? Isn’t that Crais?” [Zhaan asks, pointing to the screen. Displayed on the screen is Crais with the ‘hand of friendship’ reaching up behind him.]

Crais: “What is this nonsense? I don’t remember that!”

John: [Rolls eyes.] “Of course you wouldn’t, it’s behind you. That was the Bloopers page. Ole Froonium Ricky and the others can’t always catch the mistakes.”

D’Argo: “John, how do you know so much about this website?”

John: “I’ve been bored on Moya, okay? I needed something to do and I found this. Check out the Fan Fiction Page…lots of juicy fic there! The Fictionally Challenged Works are great…you have to write a short story using the title they give you and it has to be related to us. I’m trying a shippy kinda fic myself right now.” [Slides a flirtatious look over to Aeryn, who rolls her eyes in exchange.]

Chiana: “I see there was convention news, a schedule for our show, episode reviews, and even bios of the creators of the site, whatever those are.”

Scorpius: [Grins.] “Ah yes, bios, lots of information there!” [Chiana looks to Scorpius with disgust on her face.]

Chiana: “Oh yeah, one more thing, they also have a humor page, Scorpius. You should try to lay off the crust toothpaste, really.”

Aeryn: “Links to other sites? How many more sites can there possibly be on one subject!” [Aeryn asked in frustration as she continued to watch the view screen change.]

John: “Links to every kinda Farscape related site you could want. Every one’s different. Just like starburst.” [Licks lips dreamily.] “Sure could use some of that at the moment.”

Pilot: [Finally peels eyes away from view screen long enough to listen in on the conversation.] “Starburst? Moya isn’t ready to starburst.”

John: [Holds out hand and laughs.] “No, Pilot, there was this candy, on Earth…never mind.”

Mysterious Voice: “Karlsweb is a visually pleasing array of images loaded with up to date information. Lurk over to it today!” [View screen flickers once more and darkens.]

Pilot: “Oh yes, I do remember this ‘website’ of yours, Commander Crichton. I managed to contact the creators of Karlsweb. They should be here any microt to join us for an interrogation.”

John: “Oh man, I hope you didn’t use those exact words to get them to come here.”

Scorpius: “Why not, that’s what it is, is it not?”

John: [Looks to Scorpius with a strange expression.] “You’re fahrbot. Pilot, you should have told them it was an interview. They might not even come.”

[In walk the creators of Karlsweb. They are unaware of the commercial that had been displayed monens before on the big view screen. They slide into the booth, scrunching everyone a bit closer to the other. Moans and groans arise and everyone reaches for their drinks, afraid someone else might grab the wrong one.]

Rygel: “Pilot, that’s mine!”

Pilot: “Sorry, I have four drinks you know. I may be able to multi-task, but when I’m buzzing, it’s hard to keep track of even my four drinks.”

John: “Hey Karl, Toadie, Amy, Johryn, and PKBarb. Welcome to the Uncharted Territories from the Farscape cast. How did you come up with such a cool website?”

Karl: “De-evolution from a story of mine so long ago…. It started out as a support page for a multi-story arc about Jack Crichton and the IASA. Remember them John?” [Karl nudges John.] “Anyway, it simply evolved then with the slow addition of all these talented people.”

Aeryn: [Taking on a stern PK voice.] “How much time do you devote to this website each weeken?”

Amy: [Grins mischievously.] “Well, that depends on who you ask….”

Toadie: [Interrupts Amy.] “Oh, arns and arns. You see I’m really the creative genius behind much of everything on the site….”

Johryn: [Rolls eyes.] “Oh puh-leeze.”

Toadie: “Well, it’s true!”

[Karl pushes a beer in front of Toadie who becomes distracted. Rygel sneaks his slimy little hand past Amy to get some more food. Amy squirms away and hits Rygel’s hand when he reaches onto her share of the food.]

Pilot: “You even included me on the site! How is it possible to keep updated on such a complicated organization of material? I admit even Moya can be too much at times.” [Glances around and mutters next words.] “Sorry Moya!”

Amy: “Well, it takes a lot to keep things straight. But it’s so much fun, you’d hardly know it!”

Karl: “We split up a lot of the responsibilities to run the site. The bossylady…er…Amy has been helping out with the weekly updates. Johryn does a great job with her artwork too. She even designed our new nav bars. PKBarb reviews the episodes and Farscape merchandise. And Toadie…he…er, um….” [Karl regards Toadie.] “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

Crais: “This Fan Fiction of yours. Is it true you each have your own stories?”

Karl: “Yes. But it didn’t start out that way…you should see the first page I ever created.”

Johryn: “I’ve posted my stories to other sites before, but ours is different….”

Toadie: [Interrupts Johryn.] “Yes…Karlsweb has MY fiction on it…the lucky bas….”

Amy: [Prods an elbow into Toadie’s ribs.] “Toadie, remember our discussion about behaving around company….”

Toadie: [Sulking.] “Yes. But it’s true!”

Karl: “Each of the regular contributors has an on-going story line. Every week a new part is updated to one of the current story lines: Childhood Friends, Golgotha, Black and White, and Invasion.”

Johryn: “And don’t forget about the Fictionally Challenged section. Those are short stories based off a particular set of rules the writers must adhere to.”

Rygel: “I believe I speak for both Chiana and I when I say that we enjoyed snurching onto your site. We were puzzled by the artwork though. How was it created?”

Karl: “Adobe Photoshop! Gotta love it. That’s how the images are created.”

Amy: “We like to include ‘characters’ from outside the Farscape universe to add a new twist to the fiction there. That’s Karl’s brainchild. In fact, it’s what made me a fan of the site in the first place, before I ever joined the crew.”

Chiana: “Listen Frog boy, no one speaks for me! I just want to know where they get all that stuff in the PK Home Shopping Network!”

PKBarb: “That’s my department! There’s one thing you’ve got to know about me…I am a ‘stuff’ person. I love to shop and collect. Farscape shopping sprees are my specialty; I try to keep on top of all the current merchandise that’s out there. And, believe me, there’s a lot of it.” [PKBarb notices Chiana eyeing her purse and discreetly moves it away from her.]

D’Argo: “My turn to ask questions. How do you manage to get those people in the Four Questions Column to answer your questions? They’re pretty high status, aren’t they?”

Karl: “Three words: ‘leather tube top’”.

[Karl winces as someone, probably Amy, kicks his shin under the table.]

Amy: “I believe what Karl meant to say was the answer is simple: We asked! We were very honored to have guests that we did join us for Four Questions like FrooniumRicky, Anthony Simcoe, and Keith RA DeCandido. Everyone has been a great joy to work with!”

Zhaan: “Now that you have such an excellent, well-known website, are there any future installments or additions you would like to ‘spoil’ us with?”

PKBarb: “Well, the holidays are coming up, so I’ve got some great gift ideas for the Farscape fans on your shopping lists.”

Johryn: “Speaking of the holidays, you should check out the greeting cards that will be posted to the site this Friday. I designed them! AND, they’re printable so all Farscape fans can mail them to friends!”

Karl: “We’ll be sponsoring a ‘Christmas on Moya’ fiction contest this December. The best entries will be posted on the site.”

John: [John clears throat so attention is adverted to him.] “Guys, I think we’re swamping them. Just let them drink, will ya? You saw the ad. They have email. Chat with them there. Now’s the time to relax and party.”

Toadie: [Toadie looks with interest at the half plate in front of Rygel.] “You, um…gonna eat that?”

[View screen in center of bar flickers on again to replay the Karlsweb ad. Aeryn starts pouring over the costuming page that bears the pulse gun diagram. Johryn and PKBarb take this break in the PeaceKeeper’s attention to squirm closer to John in the booth. John smiles at them nervously.]

Johryn: “So, John, you don’t have to answer this, but, if Aeryn borrowed your Calvins, what ARE you wearing right now?”

Amy: [Gives up trying to guess which drink was hers on the table and just picks one at random. She nods to Chiana.] “So, Pip, how would you like to be the next guest for Four Questions? Honesty is optional, you know.”

Karl: [Grins at Zhaan from across the table.] “So, Zhaan, you ever hear of Kosh? Tall guy…one eyeball…annoying as all get out.” [He’s greeted with a confused stare.] “No? Just wonderin’….”

[All Farscape characters look oddly at the Karlsweb crew as they try to make casual conversation. They are mainly confused by all their Earthisms.]

Scorpius: “Yes, and before you go, please take a seat with me over there in the corner. I have a few things I would like to ask myself….” [Scorpius grins and points to another prototype of the Aurora Chair installed in the other end of the bar with a spotlight shining down on it. The screen in front of the chair displays the home page of Karlsweb. Karlsweb crew glances at each other wildly.]

Amy: [Crawls over Crais and leaves booth in a hurry.] “I just remembered there’s a fic I’ve got to get done…er, maybe some other time, handsome.”

Karl: [Hooks a thumb at the doorway.] “I’ve got to get back. Got twin girls at home, ya know. Later, Harvey.”

PKBarb: “Actually, Johryn and I were going to stop at the new DRD factory outlet center, sorry!” [PKBarb and Johryn bolt for the door.]

Toadie: [Looks at the rapidly receding backs of his crewies and turns back to Scorpius, shrugging his shoulders.] “Sure…I’ll stay. As long as I can keep my drink with me.”

[Scorpius grins mischievously and drags Toadie away from booth. Farscape crew allows space amongst themselves once again.]

Zhaan: “I’ve never seen a stranger group of beings.”

Aeryn: [Turns attention back to her shipmates.] “Are all humans this way, Crichton?”

John: [Takes a long sip of his drink and looks around at his fellow aliens with a smile.] “Yep, how sweet it is!”

[Camera angle swings out and fades to black.]

*****

Thank you for that very informative look into the world of Karlsweb. Any and all information regarding Farscape or the knowledge of wormholes shall be….BLAST! BANG! BOOM! [Bits and pieces of shrapnel fly and only a flash of leather is seen flying through the air. John and Aeryn reveal themselves at the door of the Fellip Nectar Stand holding their weapons steady and look at each other with a smile.]

Whoa! Scorpius had control for a monen there. Give me a post or email if you’d like to appear in this crazy bar some evening. Meanwhile, please check out Karlsweb, if you haven’t already. It’s an excellent site as you can see, and it’s got everything you could ever ask for! Thanks to Karlsweb once again for being subjected to the craziness of the Fellip Nectar Stand!!!